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Post by audrey on May 4, 2008 20:18:09 GMT -5
Does my answer qualify as reaction? If it's all made up, I would certainly feel a heck of a lot better. If it's true, then my heart breaks for this abused and tortured boy.
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Post by saturn1970 on May 6, 2008 10:08:59 GMT -5
Even though I do beleive in spanking as punishment as i found that is what my two responded to better, smacking a child in the mouth is wrong as in beating a child that is wrong too. I think your interpretation of what you think is right is warped. When I started this thread is more like a question oif what you beleive is the punishment that works for you, not a place of confession and if you are not lying in your post you should really talk to Steve Wilkos....I am sure he can straighten you out. Just for the record let me verify what I mean by spanking spanking is a couple of whacks on the bottem not hitting your child anywhere else on your body and certainly not smacking them across the mouth. Another thing if yiou dont talk down to your child curse in front of them they are going to learn from that and not be a smart-ass I guarentee it children are mainly monkey see monkey do so shame on you monkey as they are most likely enacting what they see. I beleive my demographics had a big impact on my way of thinking I grew up on a farm with an outhouse a garden in back of the house porch swing on the porch and a good smack on my bottem when I got out of line as did every other country kid on my rural route road. Saying the word beating is intolerable as in doing so ....there is a marked difference between spanking a child as disipline and beating a child because you are a control freak. If you are not lying about what you say in your post then get some help. Lisa
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Post by kennyjs on May 6, 2008 19:44:23 GMT -5
Kenny, at this point I figure you are lying and trying to get a reaction. No, actually I'm not. When I first came into the picture it was a battle of wills. We'd tell him not to do something and he would push to see how far he could go. My wife used to do all the spanking, but the kids laughed at her and said she couldn't hurt them; and therefore they continued to carry on however they wanted. They had absolutely no regard for adults or authority figures. That is when I offered to take over the spanking role. Things began to turn around from that point. My question to those of you who disagree with spanking is this: What do you do when the child refuses to listen? The instance where he stood in the corner for nearly 3 hours literally consisted of a 5 minute period that started over every time he started playing in the corner. Sometimes he'd do it just cause his mind wandered, and other times I'd pretend to leave the room and he'd do it. I ended up leaving him out of the corner early, which means he broke my will which just shouldn't happen. So because corner time, taking things away, and that kind of stuff didn't work; I began beating. His mother would spank him once, and then when he'd do the same thing she wouldn't do it the next time. I'm more consistent. If I say "Do not talk back to adults" that means do not do it period. If he does, I'll give him a warning. If he does it again, I'll spank him. If he does it 25 times in a day, then I'll spank him 25 times in a day. Things are MUCH better now, however. I've sat down with him many times and explained that the way things go in this house for him is completely up to him. If he's good I'll take him to the park more often, take him out to buy a game or a movie more often, and allow him to do more as he becomes more responsible. If you talk to anyone who has known my family for the past 2 1/2 years, they will tell you that the kids are COMPLETELY different. Some of that has to do with me, some of it has to do with my wife, and some has to do with my parents and their Sunday School teachers. I hope that I never have to spank again at all, but if things get out of line I certainly will with no shame at all. They have it easy compared to the way my parents were raised; and they were raised pretty well.
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Post by kennyjs on May 6, 2008 19:48:06 GMT -5
Just for the record let me verify what I mean by spanking spanking is a couple of whacks on the bottem not hitting your child anywhere else on your body and certainly not smacking them across the mouth. LoL, Lisa that's not what I was saying. I should have worded it differently, or maybe even not said it at all. To put it in the terms you used, I believe a few "whacks on the bottom" are much better than getting smacked across the face by somebody for disrespecting them. To elaborate, I'd rather spank my son for mouthing off to his mother than have somebody in High School knock him out for mouthing off to them. I'd rather he learn respect in the home from us, rather than learning the hard way outside of the home. I mouthed off to my parents all the time. I called my dad things I won't repeat here, and I called my mother a b***h all the time. Very, very few times were their any consequences. I also mouthed off to other people, and it took me getting punched to oblivion in a back alley to begin learning some respect. I'd rather that not happen to my stepchildren.
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Post by kennyjs on May 6, 2008 19:50:46 GMT -5
Does my answer qualify as reaction? If it's all made up, I would certainly feel a heck of a lot better. If it's true, then my heart breaks for this abused and tortured boy. Just one more post to make sure I cleared it up. I have never done anything physical outside of spanking him on the arse. I've never slapped him in the face or anything of that nature. The "3 hour" corner time literally consisted of a 5 minute period which started over every time he acted up in the corner. So in other words, he could have gotten out of the corner at any time by simply listening for 5 minutes. That was about 2 years ago, and things are MUCH better and easier now.
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Post by Connie on May 6, 2008 22:22:29 GMT -5
Kenny, I know you are new here and hope you don't feel put off in anyway... This section of the board is for everyone to speak their minds and differences of opinion are dealt with in a bold but respectful manner. You don't have to appologize for how you deal with any issue or what you think about any issue. I completely see where you are coming from and I see the other side as well.
I just want you to understand that while two or three or four people in this section might have a huge difference of opinion. People will still resepct you and your point of view even if they don't agree with you right here...
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Post by Connie on May 6, 2008 22:48:08 GMT -5
btw: I don't know if you read chatterbox so will say it here.. Happy Birthday Kenny!
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Post by Becca on May 6, 2008 23:47:33 GMT -5
Kenny, everything you've said "to clear things up" is very different from your original post. A spanking on the butt just sounds different than a beating..but you use the words interchangeably.
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Post by kennyjs on May 7, 2008 18:46:46 GMT -5
LoL, you guys had any IDEA what I've been through since I've met these kids you'd know why I made such an effort to explain myself.
I can think of 3 incidents off the top of my head that almost got me into a lot of trouble.
One was when my stepson and I were wrestling around. He ran at me but ran into a box fan on the way. He barely hurt his knee. So the next Sunday he's praying in Church and said "And help my knee feel better, because I hurt it when my dad was choke slamming me."
Another time I told him not to go over to the neighbors party because they were drinking, and he told them he wasn't allowed over because his dad said they were drug dealers.
The BIG one came when I did spank him, and his father called CYS because he had bruises on his knees and elbows. The hospital in his area took pictures of the knees, elbows, and his backside (which showed nothing except a bare butt.) Just to give you an idea of what kind of dad this guy is, months later he claimed he took an online paternity test and it's not his kid; but he forgot where he put the papers and forgot what site he went to.
Anyway, CYS and the State Police in my area saw right through him and knew what was going on. However, during the talk with the kids my stepson told the cop that I "Picked him up, dropped him off down the street, and made him walk home."
That's true, but it didn't exactly go like that. We were watching AFV and I literally picked him up on my shoulder, ran outside, and dropped him off in the side alley literally about 1.5 feet from our yard.
Being in situations where it looks like I'm the Dad from Hell just seems to follow me around.
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kylene
Hero in training
Posts: 26
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Post by kylene on May 7, 2008 21:08:01 GMT -5
no, some people just like to have drama. I have many times told my kids I was going to beat there butts, or tell them they were asking for a beating. so dont worry, some of us understand, like I said its not you, just some people need a lot od drama in thier lives to make them feel better. there for they will never accept anything you say, good or bad. But I do understand what you are saying completly, and I dont think you are a bad dad at all.
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Post by Connie on May 7, 2008 22:56:52 GMT -5
I don't either Kenny.. However in Becca's defense, when you used the term "beating" I cringed.. partly because I knew what was coming.. lol... I know you didn't mean it literally and I have also been in the same type of situations and know very well how things can get blown out of proportion. My advice... if you are posting on public boards, choose your words wisely.. While a whooping or a beating might mean one thing while you are standing in front of someone smiling.. On a public forum with people you don't know and who can't see you, a whooping or a beating can mean something entirely different. Even in the "real" world, the terms can be used differently depending on what region you live in. Since I already knew you from elsewhere and know your background, when you used the term "beating" I knew what you meant and how you meant it but others wouldn't know the same thing.. that's why I cringed..
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kylene
Hero in training
Posts: 26
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Post by kylene on May 8, 2008 16:57:43 GMT -5
I would like to say sorry to becca if that sounded wrong, but it did sound to me like you were just down right determined to put him down no matter what he said. we all choose to raise our kids differently and unless they are neglected or down right abused who can say who is wrong or who is right, I know for a fact that some psycho killers have came out of very decent homes, children who were loved dearly, and some abused children who turned out great. But I am sorry becca if I sounded harsh and judged you unfairly.
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Post by Becca on May 8, 2008 17:44:50 GMT -5
I see you only have 2 posts here and both have been directed at me. I would wonder why you have a problem with me when I don't even know you.
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Post by Connie on May 8, 2008 20:42:42 GMT -5
Becca I have to say that's unfair. Her first post was directed at Kenny and saying she understood what he was saying. Her second post was an appology to you and Im assuming it was to clarify the drama comment? Did I miss something?
In all fairness.. on some boards DRAMA is a huge instigator when it comes to how some people react towards a "hot topic".
She doesn't know you and appologized. Im assuming for just that reason, she doesn't know you.
I know that drama wasn't your motivation in this thread and Im sure she saw the same thing after reading through the board more thouroughly.
It doesn't sound to me like she has a problem with anyone. She chimed in on hot topics with her first post but it wasn't out of line in anyway?
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Post by audrey on May 8, 2008 21:58:37 GMT -5
It's a shame that this thread has gone to personal attacks instead of just debating a topic.
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