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Post by saturn1970 on Apr 5, 2008 22:48:55 GMT -5
Chelle after reading your post I came across so many simularities in the daily life grind and the same thing around here about the outdoors being their playground not tv or computers I actually think my kids are the only one in this town who do not have cable tv computers own their own cell phone or ipod or mp3 player. yes we do live in the 21st century LOL but our mail loves are reading painting gardening and music. my kids were mainly homeschooled as i think the schools here are a complete joke.....but my point being is that my kids will also say please and thankyou yessem and no sir. Maybe it is a demographic thing to on a beleive of how our kids are raised. At present we are in the mohave desert in Arizona but I spent most of my life in the midwest with cornfields and country folks as did my kids up to four years ago. So out of curiosity where are you located.? And Audrey the great thing about being a grownup is to be able to have discussions on different subjects and still be ADULTS about even if we disagree strongly on many or some of those subjects. In my earlier post I dont think that I implied that a child saying the f word is in the same catagory as a rapist those are two distinctly diferent written posts What I am trying to convey is that those adults when children were disiplined properly may have turned out differently. I think it is still a standard of what works for you. Spanking your children may not have been the way that worked for you as enviroment and upbringing is probably a whole lot different that what mine and my kids are. Not all country folk are bass ackward and rednecked "thank ya jeff foxworthy" but i do beleive that for the most part you end up raising your kids the way you were raised. A whoopin was the terminology used when we got out of line which in actuality was not that often. Same with me I use the word and carry it out which in actality is also not that often because they to know better.
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kiwidollar
Hero in training
Kiwi: genus Apteryx
Posts: 7
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Post by kiwidollar on Apr 6, 2008 0:07:42 GMT -5
In New Zealand, a parent who spanks his or her child can expect to be charged with assault. You aren't allowed to hit anyone, in any circumstances.
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Post by Becca on Apr 6, 2008 0:36:31 GMT -5
Kiwi....I would be curious to know how children in general their behave.
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Post by chelle on Apr 6, 2008 1:16:25 GMT -5
Audrey, Your family sounds alot like mine. Quiet people dont do well around here. LOL And I agree, you will probebly never see eye to eye with me, but I promise, if you came and spent a few days with my kids, you would understand. There is alot of running and yelling and poking fun, and fighting. Mostly when I get on the phone. But at the end of the day they all tell each other they love each other, and sometimes I will see one of teh boys with Rayley in their laps reading to her. 5 minutes before they might have locked her in a closet and then ran and hid, cause they were tired of her. And 90% of the time, in public, mine are good. All I have to do is snap my fingers in a store and both boys put their hands in my pockets and grab rayleys hand. They will forget, or get interested in something and remove them, I say "hands" and tey are back again. When we get out to the truck, they put their hands on the truck till I get it unlocked. This came about because of ONE spanking. Brett was 3 and Matt was a little over 1. We walked otu of a mcdonalds and I had to let go of bretts hand to unlock the door. In the meantime I dropped matts leash (yes I put them in halters as toddlers, but that day I had forgot Bretts) Both took off. When I got to them I swatted them on the butt and told them to never do that again. I set down the rule right then that when I say "hands on the truck" they put their hands on the truck. To this day they do it. It might seem cruel or mean to a bystander, but I have seen too many kids wander into the driving isles ina large parking lot. Rayley just learned by example. She was so thrilled when she got old enough to walk with us and put her hands on the truck instead of ride in the buggy. I have had ONE instance when they didnt do it. It was about a month ago. Matt had a quarter and was bound and determined to use it, he bought a bouncy ball. I told him 3 times on the way out not to drop it. About the time they got on the truck and I had my back to them and was unlocking the doors, He did. He went after it. No cars were coming, But Rayley was trying to get it too, and of course Brett. I grabbed her, poped her bottom and she got right back on the truck. I grabbed Brett and matt and popped Matts rear once, there is NO way it hurt, he had on jeans and I aint that big. Then I took the ball, saw a man coming out of the store with his 2 kids and walked over and asked if they could have it. HE said yes. Funny enough when they got to the van both kids stood by it and put their hands on it. He said that i didnt know him but he had seen me make mine do that before and started making his do it. He thanked me. Before I got my 3 loaded up, I had 2 other people come over and one told me they had seen me in the store with all 4 kids and how well behaved they were, the other that they had seen what just happened and commended me for taking a stand. She had almost hit a child that was fighting with her brother the week before, when she ran behind the car to get away from him. And the mom had gotten rude with her! Matt was MUCH more upset about loosing the ball than anything. Rayley just said she was sorry and would NEVER do it again. When we come out they take their hands out of my pockets, put them on the truck and wait for me to tell them where we are going to put the groceries, then they will start to help me unload. But we always put the babies in the truck first. Saturn, I am in South East TExas. Jasper to be exact. The piney woods. And Redneck woman is my ringtone. LOL I heard that song on the radio one day and seriously thought it was a joke. My husband turned to me ( I was pregnant with my 3rd child) and said "OH MY GOD, someone wrote a song about YOU!" The only thing that doesnt fit is I dont like beer. Kiwi. I cant imagine living somewhere where I have no control over my kids and they know it. But I also couldnt live there due to the other rules and regulations about hunting, gun ownership and crime. But I wasnt raised there, I was raised here and Thank God that we are still able to be who we are. Even if it is being taken from us little by little.
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Post by saturn1970 on Apr 6, 2008 10:08:07 GMT -5
Hey Chelle well I made be on an interesting theory there about the demographice of child raising.....may very well be a valid point....I am definitly country and redneck specially in the summer yep. I don't care for the beer myself can't stand the taste but Jack Daniel has been a real good friend from time to time until he stays to long then my best friend is the porcelin king if ya get my drift LOL. Kiwi I have the same question in general how well behaved are children in New Zealand.
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Post by Becca on Apr 7, 2008 0:46:49 GMT -5
Chelle....one swat is different from a "whooping". A swat that might not even hurt is a quick reminder.
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Post by fergui on Apr 7, 2008 2:02:47 GMT -5
I really need to add something here. Since Connie put this board up, I've been holding my breath wondering if it would cause a "problem". I think the women here are beyond awesome and beyond indredible. There is such incredible mutual respect amongst each of us that we've all be able to voice very very different opinions while being very respectable of each other. I've actually been talking to both of my kids about the topics here, soliciting their opinions. It's been wonderful to have these conversations with them. I've been lurking here holding my tongue as well. I get pretty riled up sometimes about these topics and so right now, I'll just sit and watch. LOL
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Post by saturn1970 on Apr 7, 2008 10:18:12 GMT -5
I really need to add something here. Since Connie put this board up, I've been holding my breath wondering if it would cause a "problem". I think the women here are beyond awesome and beyond indredible. There is such incredible mutual respect amongst each of us that we've all be able to voice very very different opinions while being very respectable of each other. I've actually been talking to both of my kids about the topics here, soliciting their opinions. It's been wonderful to have these conversations with them. I've been lurking here holding my tongue as well. I get pretty riled up sometimes about these topics and so right now, I'll just sit and watch. LOL Fergui that is the big thing right there in order to have a good debate and discussion is not to take anything to personnally and to be able to stand up for your beliefs without causing a riot. As different as everyone may be in their beleiefs and what they do or not do there is always a civalized way to come to terms. After all that is what seperates us from the animals right? And as Connie said the best term may be to agree to disagree.
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Post by fergui on Apr 7, 2008 15:17:47 GMT -5
Oh I agree completely, Lisa!! But sometimes I get too passionate about certain subjects and it's best to just sit quietly and observe. And as my grandmother used to always say, "It's better to let everyone think you a fool, than to open your mouth and prove it." Sometimes I have a bad case of 'foot-in-mouth' syndrome! LOL But don't worry, I'm sure the filter between brain and mouth (hands) will clog or malfunction and I won't be able to resist one of these days. LOL
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Post by kennyjs on May 3, 2008 10:33:32 GMT -5
I have spanked both of my stepchildren.
I will administer corner time or ground them first, and if that still doesn't work I will spank.
I only spanked my stepdaughter once two years ago, and she has never been spanked since. Back then she talked back a lot and mouthed off, now she's not like that at all.
My stepson doesn't listen unless he can be spanked. You can take things off of him, ground him, and put him in the corner; and it's as if it doesn't bother him at all. So, I'll give him a warning to stop doing something (which is all it takes 95% of the time) and if he continues I will spank him.
The goal is to show the kids that there are consequences for their actions. I'm a firm believer in the Bible and even the Bible suggests spanking children. That doesn't mean we should just go around spanking children. Some children may not need it.
I have a niece (on my wifes side) who is 5 years old, and literally screams at her mom. She dropped a crayon once and literally SCREAMED at her mom "PICK IT UP!" What does her mom do? Picks it up. If that was my kid, I would have smacked her in the mouth. I wouldn't have knocked her out, but she would definitely think twice about talking to me like that again.
Not to mention, some day she's going to talk like that to somebody and end up with a lot more than a smack in the mouth. These lessons need to be learned at home, not in the halls of high school or in a back alley somewhere.
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Post by Becca on May 3, 2008 23:11:07 GMT -5
The bible also says to stone people to death.
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Post by audrey on May 4, 2008 8:24:25 GMT -5
Kenny,
As you've read, I'm really anti spanking. Your post does indeed lead me to ask some questions:
1. have you ever spoken to another person in a raised or angry voice? If the answer is no, wow!!! If the answer is yes, did that person smack you in the mouth? Your post indicates that smacking someone in the mouth is appropriate for those who speak in a raised or angry voice.
2. I'm certain you've done things you weren't supposed in life. If you haven't, again, WOW. If you have, did someone spank you? Most folks have sped, not once but multiple times. Even though they know it's wrong, know they're not supposed. Do you believe that physical punishment to those who do this is appropriate?
You mentioned lessons being learned at home...which lessons do you believe are being taught by smacking someone in the mouth?
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Post by kennyjs on May 4, 2008 15:28:39 GMT -5
Oh no, I wasn't implying that kids should be smacked in the mouth. I was implying that I would rather they learn not to talk back at home rather than mouth off to kids at school in the future and get smacked in the mouth by them.
I have beaten my stepson up to 3 times in one week. This is a last resort, not my first reaction. As i've mentioned, other punishments do not seem to work.
One day I tried standing him in the corner for 5 minutes, and he began to play in the corner. So I would add 5 minutes every time he started playing in the corner. He was in the corner for about 3 hours and that's only because I let him out despite his playing.
For some children, spanking isn't necessary. For him, it's the only thing he responds to.
I always give him a warning unless it's something really bad like hurting somebody.
My goal isn't to find an excuse to beat him, but to use his fear of being beaten so that he will begin to act more respectful. Thus far, it has been working pretty good.
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Becca. The Bible commands Jews living in the Old Testament times to stone those who violated God's law in specific ways. This was when God was first establishing a nation out of Israel and is not applicable today.
Beating isn't right if it's an act of cruelty or vengeance, but if it's done out of love with the intention on raising the child then it's definitely okay. Even Children and Youth Services recommends beating with an open hand.
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Post by audrey on May 4, 2008 18:00:17 GMT -5
When you are beating a child three times in a week, he's not fearful. He's used to be beaten.
Three beatings a week, 3 hours in a corner, this is called abuse and torture.
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Post by Becca on May 4, 2008 18:02:27 GMT -5
Kenny, at this point I figure you are lying and trying to get a reaction.
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