Post by crimsulent on Mar 14, 2009 21:42:24 GMT -5
My friends, this is a war we will never win.
I'll tell you up front that I believe in fighting this war with any and all weapons at my disposal. If it kills the enemy, I want as much of it as I can get my hands on. I don't give a rat's behind about any Geneva Convention, if you've got some chemical weapons that can take out a few thousand, I'm interested!
But the fact is, nothing works.
When they first invaded my laundry room I took the granola-munching, tree-hugging, hippie-with-a-ponytail approach and tried using orange oil and about a half dozen other "natural " approaches. A few months later, they began infiltrating my pantry. I stepped up my defense budget and invested in little traps loaded with poison. One after another, the traps were clogged with the bodies of the dead.
The little s.o.b.'s kept coming.
Then they began the assualt on the Green Zone, my kitchen.
I live a just a couple miles from an air base. Being a taxpayer in good standing and all, I'm thinking maybe I could phone the Colonel and ask for an air strike. Then I think, I'm sure those guys have enough to do with two wars and stuff, so I decide I'll have to begin my battle without total air superiority. I know it's risky, but you go to war with the army you have, not the army you'd want.
I completely empty the cupboards and shelves and evacuate the kitchen. I give a no bid, cost plus contract to the corner hardware store and buy a multi-gallon pressurized poison sprayer and I blast the little devils to kingdom come.
It felt good.
I had won the war (or so I thought), but I didn't have a plan for after I won the war. Now I had a kitchen that had poison sprayed in it. So I wash all the contaminated surfaces multiple times, leave the kitchen empty for two weeks, wash it again, and finally put my food and dishes and stuff back in the cupboards.
A few weeks later, I talked to a young man who does this for a living. A professional killer. I tell him about the surge, how I drove the enemy out of my house. He just kind of smiled. He explained that it doesn't matter how many of them you kill, there's always more where they came from. You kill one nest, the nest next door expands into the now-empty nest. You can never get them all. I'm crushed to hear this. I realize I DIDN'T win the dang war. I won a stinkin' battle. The war goes on.
Today the surge failed. The war came back to the kitchen.
I hate those little buggers so much!
Anyone got a spare centrifuge or two?
I'll tell you up front that I believe in fighting this war with any and all weapons at my disposal. If it kills the enemy, I want as much of it as I can get my hands on. I don't give a rat's behind about any Geneva Convention, if you've got some chemical weapons that can take out a few thousand, I'm interested!
But the fact is, nothing works.
When they first invaded my laundry room I took the granola-munching, tree-hugging, hippie-with-a-ponytail approach and tried using orange oil and about a half dozen other "natural " approaches. A few months later, they began infiltrating my pantry. I stepped up my defense budget and invested in little traps loaded with poison. One after another, the traps were clogged with the bodies of the dead.
The little s.o.b.'s kept coming.
Then they began the assualt on the Green Zone, my kitchen.
I live a just a couple miles from an air base. Being a taxpayer in good standing and all, I'm thinking maybe I could phone the Colonel and ask for an air strike. Then I think, I'm sure those guys have enough to do with two wars and stuff, so I decide I'll have to begin my battle without total air superiority. I know it's risky, but you go to war with the army you have, not the army you'd want.
I completely empty the cupboards and shelves and evacuate the kitchen. I give a no bid, cost plus contract to the corner hardware store and buy a multi-gallon pressurized poison sprayer and I blast the little devils to kingdom come.
It felt good.
I had won the war (or so I thought), but I didn't have a plan for after I won the war. Now I had a kitchen that had poison sprayed in it. So I wash all the contaminated surfaces multiple times, leave the kitchen empty for two weeks, wash it again, and finally put my food and dishes and stuff back in the cupboards.
A few weeks later, I talked to a young man who does this for a living. A professional killer. I tell him about the surge, how I drove the enemy out of my house. He just kind of smiled. He explained that it doesn't matter how many of them you kill, there's always more where they came from. You kill one nest, the nest next door expands into the now-empty nest. You can never get them all. I'm crushed to hear this. I realize I DIDN'T win the dang war. I won a stinkin' battle. The war goes on.
Today the surge failed. The war came back to the kitchen.
I hate those little buggers so much!
Anyone got a spare centrifuge or two?