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Post by tiredofscams on Feb 2, 2006 22:56:55 GMT -5
**borrowed**
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."
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Post by Connie on Feb 3, 2006 9:33:20 GMT -5
#tongue0015# OH That was good! #happy0032#
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Post by tiredofscams on Feb 4, 2006 0:21:18 GMT -5
I thought this was good too!!
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Post by josiegirl on Feb 9, 2006 7:36:23 GMT -5
Oh, that was soooo good!!!
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Post by jan on Feb 28, 2006 18:22:06 GMT -5
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a gallon."
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Post by jan on Feb 28, 2006 18:36:31 GMT -5
A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.
The bartender looks at the guy and asks: "What's wrong with your turtle?"
"Not a thing," the man responds, "this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!"
"Not a chance!", replies the barkeep.
"Okay then, says the guy... you take your dog and let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there."
So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees.
The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog.
Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall and says - "I WIN... Told you it'll be there before your dog!"
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Post by jan on Feb 28, 2006 18:42:54 GMT -5
How do you make a hanky dance? Put a little boogie in it!!!
What did the tablecloth say to the table? "Dont move, I've got you covered."
Why did the bubble gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot!
Did you hear about the cat that ate yarn? She had mittens!
What do you call two recently married spiders? Newlywebs!
Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide!
What kind of ants are the biggest? Giants!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderware!
What lives at the bottom of the sea and shivers? A nervous wreck!
What has more lives than a cat? A frog, it croaks every night!
Why did the policeman stay in bed? He was an undercover cop!
What did the baby corn say to the mom corn? Where is my pop corn?!
What are goose bumps for? To keep geese from speeding!
What goes zzub, zzub, zzub? A bee flying backwards!
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Post by Connie on Mar 3, 2006 19:08:03 GMT -5
Katie got a kick out of these.. especially the bubble gum. She LOVES telling the chicken crossing the street joke.
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Post by samantha on Mar 5, 2006 15:57:55 GMT -5
I love the turtle joke! [/b]
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