Post by dcubed on Oct 26, 2008 22:57:30 GMT -5
It's Sunday night, 8:30 and was just thinking that tomorrow morning, bright and early, would be getting back into the grind of work so thought I would share a couple of funnies to hopefully brighten up the morning, or evening as the case would be.
Here goes ;D ;D ;D
Have You Found Jesus?
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze.
Whereupon he asks the drunk: “Are you ready to find Jesus?"
“Yes I am" replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't."
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time.
He pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I have not found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wits end; so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asks the drunk again, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS?"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher: "Are you sure this is where he fell in"?
This one really had me laughing
The Mole Family
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....
MOLASSES" !!!
OK. One more and then will call it a night. I think the females will find this one more amusing.
THE SNEEZE
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, "I couldn't help but notice" he said, "that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you," she replied. "I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Yes, Black Pepper."
Alright, enough already. Hope you are least chuckling a little bit. .
Have a good week and just rememeber that the weekend will be getting closer every day.
Here goes ;D ;D ;D
Have You Found Jesus?
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze.
Whereupon he asks the drunk: “Are you ready to find Jesus?"
“Yes I am" replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't."
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time.
He pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I have not found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wits end; so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asks the drunk again, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS?"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher: "Are you sure this is where he fell in"?
This one really had me laughing
The Mole Family
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....
MOLASSES" !!!
OK. One more and then will call it a night. I think the females will find this one more amusing.
THE SNEEZE
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, "I couldn't help but notice" he said, "that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you," she replied. "I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Yes, Black Pepper."
Alright, enough already. Hope you are least chuckling a little bit. .
Have a good week and just rememeber that the weekend will be getting closer every day.