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Post by Connie on Apr 1, 2008 12:13:21 GMT -5
I don't think you can compare a 6 year old misbehaving to a grown man misbehaving. Me either, the grown ups are supposed to be just that.. grown ups.. I will never feel bad for "taking it too seriously" when I stop someone from picking on my kids. Just ask my neighbor who got to experience my wrath a couple of weeks ago. If my child is doing something wrong I will be the one to teach her the right way and no one is going to laugh at her for making an innocent mistake or tease her. And yes, she has a GREAT sense of humor and laughs at herself all the time..
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Post by desertrose on Apr 1, 2008 17:18:26 GMT -5
No, I cant compare it, what I am trying to say is that caleb needs to learn things and by trying to protect him all the time from things he will never learn. I did have a long talk with Bill about how he handled it, and he did apoligize to Caleb, I also Had a long talk with Caleb about calling bad names, that it just wasnt right, that sometimes you have to be a bigger person then others and just walk away. Caleb is seeing a behavior specialist at school also. he has a very hard time with people telling him what to do, and making friends. all I am really trying to say is that yes Bill was very much in the wrong and he knows it, but at the same time so was Caleb, but I am trying to turn it into a learning experience for both of them. and so far its gone very well, and everybody has also saw the humor in it, except here. and I really dont understand why not. Caleb and my dad play like that all the time. I did very upset with my dad like you did here, until I stood back and watched. and Caleb was having a ball, he started the arguments, it had turned into a game. Caleb will stand there and glare at my Dad, like go ahead, im ready for you. I understand what you are saying but that the same time feel you are being very closed minded.
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Post by Connie on Apr 1, 2008 17:47:50 GMT -5
There are BIG differences between kidding around/having fun (which it sounds like that is what he is doing with his grandfather) and picking on a child to the point of angering them. Here are my problems with it:
1: An adult was picking on your child WHILE you were there and it continued to the point of your child getting angry. Why didn't you step in BEFORE that point and stop it?
2: After he has been angered and trying to put a stop to it on his own, he makes a small mistake in trying to say a word. You point out that he is trying to say a bad word and doesn't know how to spell it. This embarresses him and then BOTH adults (one being his mom) start laughing at him. How humiliating for a little kid.
3. You say your friend was trying to teach him something about not picking on buttons.. umm why was HE trying to teach him when you were right there? Isn't that your job? Maybe if you had been telling him he couldn't play with the problems instead of letting your friend discipline him, it probably wouldn't have gotten to that point.
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Post by desertrose on Apr 1, 2008 22:16:10 GMT -5
he was not humiliated, you are saying he was, I never said he was. It was Bills pickup, he has every right to put down rules and be the one to enforce them. Caleb was not harmed in anyway that day. he got angry, he gets angry at me, you do not know this child. He listens to bill better than he listens to me, because he wants a father figure, the fact that Bill is adult enough and big enough to try to be his father figure tells me, that a man you dont even know is being accused unjustly. he apoligized to caleb, he apoligized to me, and the relationship is great, Caleb laughs about it, why are you making a mountain out of a mole hill?
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Post by audrey on Apr 2, 2008 20:13:29 GMT -5
All I can say is my heart breaks for this poor child.
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Post by Becca on Apr 2, 2008 20:24:55 GMT -5
Desertrose....if you don't agree with how people are perceiving this situation, you should probably consider your wording more carefully in the future.
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Post by chelle on Apr 2, 2008 21:56:03 GMT -5
I dont usually hve a problem with most folks disiplining my children.
But tey also know not to touch buttons in someones truck. They dont even touch my radio buttons iwth out me telling them they can.
I think Bill shouldnt have had to try to pick and kid with him to make him stop. As soon as bill nicecly said "dont touch that kid, or Boy, I'm gona break your fingers if you touch that again," in a joking voice, you should have stepped in and told him NOT TO TOUCH IT>
Its not Bills responsibility to tell im not to touch something like that. Its yours. EVEN if it is Bills truck. YOU should teach him responsibility and politeness. NOT a friend.
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Post by Connie on Apr 3, 2008 8:41:51 GMT -5
Not humiliated? Here is what you wrote:
What do you think humilated means?
Well put Chelle.. Im so tired of hearing parents say "he/she doesn't listen to me". Well why isn't he listening to you? If a parent doesn't have the necessary skills to discipline effectively then they should be signing up for parenting classes to learn how. Instead the parents put the blame on the kid (look at those 3rd graders recently) "well he/she has behavioral problems".. bull.. those problems come from only one of two things.. ineffective parenting or something in the kids life is wrong and he doesn't know how to express it verbally..
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Post by desertrose on Apr 3, 2008 22:24:01 GMT -5
so what I am hearing is that you two are perfect parents, you have all the answers and nobody else does? I never said I was perfect, and I never will, because im not, and I know for a fact that your not. and niether are your kids, w are talking about a 6 year old little boy. and you want to think he will stop everytime somebody just says stop, ya right, and what planet do you live on?
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Post by chelle on Apr 3, 2008 23:59:57 GMT -5
desert, I had no intentions of hurting you. and yes, I am NOT a perfect parent. BUT I do take disipline very seriously. My kids are not angels. And I have NEVER said they are. Matter of fact I air their dirty laundry all the time. But I can tell when they are starting to annoy someone. And I step in. OR when they are doing something they shouldnt. and I step in. ITs part of my job as a parent. Along with taking up for them when they need it. I personally didnt go the 'humiliation' route here. I went the "is there NOT another way to make this kid stop' route. Because as a volunteer at school and in sports I see it day in and day out. I can do everything in my power , in front of teh parent, to try to get a kid to stop nicely. They dont and mom thinks its funny. Well, its not. My kids do know that when I snap my fingers they better cool it. Even my 3 year old knows it. So I cant blame the man, I have to say that I feel the blame lies elsewhere. Of course I have also been known to tell friends to please not bring their children back over to my home if they couldnt mind and insisited on trying to ruin my stuff. I honestly didnt know you were connies sister. I think I remember seeing it a while back, now that you mention it, but that never dawned on me in this thread. And out of my respect for her I am sorry that I even became involved in it. Please connie, accept my appologies and thank you for understanding what I was saying, you hit the nail on the head with your above post its my main gripe about parenting in general. Its always easier to dope them up and zone them out. Which is sad, you cheapen the fact that there are SOME people who really do need help. (this is NOT directed towards the above situation, I dont know this childs medical history, if any, this is a comment in general about todays acceptance of 'behavorial issues and mild altering meds) And please feel free to delete this connie, I understand, , I just wanted to clear the air to you.
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Post by Connie on Apr 4, 2008 9:01:07 GMT -5
No appologies needed chelle. Desertrose wanted this thread moved to the no holds barred section and that's what it is here for. If she can't take it.. well she shouldn't have put the situation on a public forum. I am going to delete half her post so that it can stay in a public forum and the discussion can continue without anyone feeling "worried" about posting their opinions.
If I didn't care about the kids I wouldn't point out why the situation is wrong.. I would just shake my head and ignore it.
Like you said.. there are many people who need help to learn to parent. If they would actually listen when they have a lot of people telling them there is a problem maybe we wouldn't have so many kids these days who don't care.
I am astounded and amazed at how some parents think their lives and their kids are everyone elses responsibility and just don't "get it".
Recently the neighbors 2 1/2 year old was running into our yard and over and over the kid kept running into our chain fence and knocking it down. The dad was standing right there and didn't even bother to say.. hey you can't do that. So I yelled out the window to him to stop. Didn't help.. he kept doing it.. finally dh went out and started putting the fence back up. The dad said "oh don't worry about it until he is done playing because he will just keep knocking it down".. I about fell over.. My dh told him.. "no he won't, I won't let him".. THEN.. the kid goes to take a run at it again and the dad.. in a very sugary sweet voice tells his son.. "don't do that.. Bill says no"... WTH? Why aren't YOU Telling him "no"?
Oh.. now I know why the older son goes around beating on everyone elses garbage cans with sticks every week...
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Post by saturn1970 on Apr 4, 2008 10:11:46 GMT -5
Connie sounds to me like the neighbors kids and dad could all use a little behind the shed time with my good ole Uncle Harry and his leather strap. And on that thought will lead me to a question I will ask in another thread on chatterbox and Connie you can move it to what ever thread youthink is appropiate.
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Post by Connie on Apr 4, 2008 12:15:27 GMT -5
I'll send them to your uncle harry in a heartbeat! It was almost comical.. when dh came back in he said "did you hear what he said?"... "yep.. took everything in me to NOT bite off his head"... then it got really funny because my dd's friend was outside blowing bubbles so I was standing by the window and she went over to his yard. Well I can't see her over there so I hollered for her to come back over to our yard. The neighbor guy said "oh she's fine, Im right here and watching her".. so I told him:
"I know and I appreciate it but it's MY responsibility to watch her so I want her where I can see her"...
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Post by audrey on Apr 4, 2008 16:57:16 GMT -5
Connie,
Through this whole thread, I've been smiling at your posts. You and I think so much alike as parents.
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Post by chelle on Apr 4, 2008 17:14:39 GMT -5
I think we would have had an attitiude adjustment. quickly... and I thnk we do mostly agree on parenting
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